Our crackercrack Human Resources (HR) department, flush with grant money from a little known government agency designed to help blogs that need it most, has wondered during their overly long lunch breaks about the personality types of the Booze Dancing staff.
HR thinks that the Booze Dancing staff in many ways mirrors the public at large with regards to pathos, consumer behavior trends, and devilishly good looks (our words, not theirs). They also believe that in all likelihood, the Booze Dancing staff could benefit from years of intensive shock therapy (their words, not ours) and at least one month on Tortola, BVI for a retreat of health, wellness, and cute, umbrella clad cocktails (very much our words, definitely not theirs).
With years of training behind them, and plenty of whiskey in front of them (and the greater good nowhere to be found!), these highly educated, behind-the-scenes folks have put together a somewhat curious look at the knuckleheads that do the real heavy lifting around here, and asked them for thoughts on three very different whiskies (Rye, Bourbon, and Single Malt) from FEW Spirits of Evanston, IL. Below are the personality types that the HR brain trust came up with:
- The Smartass: Prides oneself on run-on sentences, obscure references, and a pretty, corner 3-point shot that he can drain while half-asleep.
- The Perfectionist: Knows when that picture on the wall is crooked by 1.25° and will lay in bed all night debating the best way to fix it, though the right answer in his heart of hearts is removing the floor and leveling it.
- The Straight Shooter: No BS! It is what it is because I say it is what it is, so deal with it, Pal!
- The Self-Doubter: Knows way more than they lead on and coyly makes you believe you know less, so that in the end, no one knows what’s going on.
- The Douchebag: Passive aggressive and aggressively passive. And happy to snark (yes, it’s a verb, MOTHERF&#*@r!) on public transportation or on a barstool at a watering hole near you!
Three unique whiskies. Five unique personalities. What could possibly go wrong? Take a look in your own personal mirror and see if you are one of us, and if you are, make sure those health insurance premiums are paid up! So… Which FEW are you?