Booze Banter

Brew Apparel – D LUSH Boardshorts

Thanks to a Thrillist email from just a few minutes ago, I now know about these very functional boardshorts that are designed to carry a 6-pack of your favorite canned beverage. They even come with a bottle opener. Click here to order yourself a pair.

Just one question…

Unless you plan to stand in a frigid body of water all day, how are you supposed to keep your drinks cold?

7 replies »

  1. I got chills just seeing the swills emblazoned on those shorts so keeping the beer cold shouldn’t be a problem. That said, a few ideas come to mind which wouldn’t require you to body surf in the Bay of Fundy:

    1. Only hit on women who are unquestionably beyond your ability to even get their attention. I’m talking Megan Fox, Bar Rafieli and Carrie Underwood types. Any attempt to approach a woman like that will result in a cool enough response to ensure not only frozen beers but frozen b*lls to keep them company.

    2. In the absence of hot enough women with which to employ method one above, hit on Leona Helmsley (you might need a Ouija Board for that but it’ll also provide for a handy serving tray for the beer). The Queen of Mean is sure to respond with a blast of chill that would make a case of Coors Light turn bluer than Papa Smurf at a Victoria’s Secret Runway Show.

    3. Surround the brews with frozen Swedish Fish and those outrageous light orange half-styrofoam – half sugar peanuts.

    4. Every 12 minutes, stand and sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic in Portugese while genuflecting to Talladega. I have to admit that there is precious little data on the effectiveness of that method but Ponce de Leon had a similar dearth of objective metrics from which to conclude that he’s find the Fountain of Youth where he did so in the spirit of the great explorers, it seems reasonable to conclude that this method will work. It would be great if you had someone video the attempt for future study.

    Best of luck!



    • My response…

      #1 – “My that’s a fine vicuna!” That killer line should keep my beers sufficiently chilled, along with my bits and pieces.

      #2 – Regarding the Ouija Board…

      #3 – What a waste of perfectly good Swedish Fish.

      #4 – That’s just too trippy to respond to.

      Buona Fortuna!



  2. Ok … I can find the “LIKE” button on this post but I can’t seem to find the “THREW UP IN MY MOUTH” button to express how I feel about these shorts. Is there a WordPress widget for that?


  3. They’d be better if they were the real logos and not spoofed…then I’d be tempted to buy a pair for the Patio Lounge and Swim Club (an offshoot of the Twilight Lounge).


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