Booze Banter

Post Proposal: WhiskyFest Post Mortem… Rashomon Style!

G-LO’s original email to the “… booze dancing…” Authors…

“I have an idea which I think might be amusing. Since the WhiskyFest announcement is out there on the “…booze dancing…”, we’ll need to post a follow-up to the event. I was thinking that we each tell our tale as we saw it, i.e. favorite whisky, amusing quotes, embarrassing moments, possible hangover cures, etc.. Being a semi-movie geek, the first movie that popped into my head was “Rashomon”. Last night I logged in to Netflix, and guess what my “Watch Instantly” recommendation happened to be? Yep. You guessed it! Rashomon! Here is there synopsis…

“Considered one of Japanese director Akira Kurosawa’s masterpieces, this Oscar-winning crime drama unfolds as four witnesses to a rape and murder reports their versions of the attack, leaving the viewer to decide what really happened. But the chain of events depicted by the bandit (Toshiro Mifune), the rape victim (Machiko Kyo), the murdered man’s ghost (Masayuki Mori) and the woodcutter (Takashi Shimura) has more differences than similarities.”

I’ll pass on the grizzly parts of the story (let’s hope the airing of grievances portion of the night stays under control!), but the basic scenario works for me. I also think that we should work independently, save our posts as drafts, and post at around the same time so that we don’t influence each other’s stories.


The Wookie’s response to the original email…

“Sounds like fun… but I am either the “Bandit”, “Ghost”, or “Woodcutter”. You can be the “Rape Victim”.”

LimpD’s response to the original email…

“I have to think after reading Wookie-san’s account; we will wonder whether or not we attended the same event.”

LimpD on his WhiskyFest preparations…

“I am ready to go and have decided to assemble a box ala Miracle Max (MM). After checking the inventory and the various places that I have stashed bottles around the house, I have five bottles of Society Whisky (excess single casks from Springbank, Mortlach, Balmenach, Glenmorangie and Glen Scotia) as well as three Irish (Jameson, Midleton and Red Breast), bottles from Auchentoshan, Aberlour, Glenmorangie, Dalwhinnie and Bunnahabain (a Father’s Day gift) and of course, a bottle of Cutty Sark.

List for Saturday:

  • Crockpot full of meatballs – Check
  • Big box of whisky – Check
  • Old man looking for whisky – Check
  • Wagon to transport drunken old man home – Check”

G-LO on LimpD’s most impressive whisky stash…

“Good god LimpD-san! That’s one hell of a booze stash! Makes me wanna do an Irish jig.”

The Wookie on LimpD’s most impressive whisky stash…

“LimpD one-upping Miracle Max with 14 bottles … you are my hero!

My list for Sunday:

  • Compass Box Asyla
  • Glenlivet 12
  • Lagavulin or Talisker (not sure which on I have left)
  • Bushmills 1608 –  special 400th Anniversary bottling (if I can get it tonight)
  • Philly Pretzel Co Rivets

I will leave my bottle of Cutty Sark at home, but will throw in any Hibiki or small batch Bourbon leftovers that are in the cabinet.  The Kraken will remain unreleased that night.”

G-LO replies to The Wookie’s comment…

“Let’s not declare a LimpD victory just yet… Miracle Max (half a DINK) has more free time and more disposable income. Based upon past conversations with the Legendary MM, he is also rather obsessive/compulsive about his beverage selections. The man does vertical beer tastings for chrissakes! That being said, LimpD should receive a handicap (pun intended? You be the judge!) for amassing an extraordinary amount of whisky for a father of three, i.e. MM better produce at least 20 varieties of the brown hues in order to even come close. Here’s the question… how much weight do we give those itty bitty syrup bottles???”

The Wookie fires back…

“There will be no handicap awarded for the following reasons:

  • The more kids you have the more you NEED to drink
  • We’ll assume that only large quantities of alcohol would make one try for a 3rd kid (this also explains LimpD the 3rd’s “Leprechaun Skip” … residual Jameson)
  • LimpD has had several weeks alone with the internet to review and acquire new and fantastic spirits

For the sake of fairness, the scoring for the assessment of High Priest of Whisky is as follows:

  • Most bottles win
  • Bottles must be at least half full upon arrival
  • Whisky must be in original packaging or a monogrammed flask (no mason jars or maple syrup bottles)
  • Whiskies from Asia or the Far East will only be counted if they are consumable (AKA no Thai Whiskey, but Nikka or Amrut is okay)
  • Bottles that are one of less than 500 and numbered as such shall count as two
  • Whiskies over 50 years old count as two
  • Anyone who brings a bottle in Lalique Crystal wins regardless of count
  • Anytime MM does a bird call, we deduct half a bottle
  • Anytime LimpD says “Yahtzee!”, we deduct half a bottle

Let the biggest freak win!”

G-LO warns LimpD about his Sicilian traits

“Should you ask for whisky transport assistance from Wookie-san or G-LO-san, I suggest that you do a pre and post-transport bottle count. I do have “five-finger discount” tendencies afterall. Just a warning.”

The Wookie comments on the five-finger discount…

“There is a $5 per bottle import entry fee through customs at The Wookie gate of the former “anti-delinquent neighbor security perimeter” and our QA/QC inspector (Machiko G-LO-san) gets a one dram sample from each bottle, so I suggest you drive around.”

The ROK fires off a brief but effective message…

“I say blast through the weak security at the Wookie-san gate like a drug cartel out of Mexico…”

The Wookie fires off another round…

“Given LimpD’s genetics, I don’t see anyone from that clan “blasting” through anything. The Mini Wookettes would run them down before they delivered their shipment.   A better approach would be to have Connie make cannolis for the border guards and then stroll past security.”

LimpD’s final comments…

“While rooting through the house to find my whisky, I arrived at two realizations. First, I might be on the verge of becoming one of those freaks on Hoarders.  Second, I might have the makings of a drinking problem. Either way, I figure my liver will give out before I become much of problem for the wife.

Also, I have no fear of your perimeter as I was informed yesterday that Connie had already “kneecapped” G-LO. It would appear her reign of tyranny has already begun and knows no bounds. I suspect she will unleash her minions and clear the way through the demilitarized zone to The ROK and my package will arrive duty free and full.”

You’ll have to wait for the après report to know for sure if LimpD’s “package” arrived duty free and full…

Categories: Booze Banter

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