Booze Banter

Fun With Rate Beer Reviews

This post was inspired by by our friend John LaRue of “The Droid Your Looking For” blog. Here is the first part of John’s “Fun With Netflix Viewer Reviews: Volume 4” post which explains what he set out to do:

It’s time yet again for the article that’s easy for me and fun for you- Fun with Netflix Viewer Reviews! Here’s volume four of people writing really bad, or funny, Netflix viewer reviews. These are presented completely unedited. Even when you think I might have edited something in or out of the copy, I assure you that I have not. As always, understand that I don’t always disagree with the negativity surrounding some of these movies, but there’s always at least one thing in these reviews that I find amusing.

After reading his post, which I found to be absolutely hilarious, the following banter occurred between myself, Jim of the Beer and Whiskey Brothers blog, and John LaRue:

Although I have no clue what Jim is up to on his blog, I have decided to accept his challenge. Keep in mind that I didn’t start pulling this together until 11PM last night after coming home from a Laphroaig tasting with The Wookie. Do drinking and blogging mix? We’ll soon find out!

If you’ve ever read a ridiculous Amazon product review or the comments on any other message board, then you are well aware of the jackassery that can happen when you give someone a computer, an internet connection, and an anonymous login (if you’re a regular reader, then you already know of the jackassery that we perpetrate on a daily basis).

Without further ado, here are some interesting (and unedited) reviews of five highly regarded beers (The Rate Beer Top 50) that were taken directly (and unedited) from the Rate Beer website…

Westvleteren 12

Ranked #1 with an overall rating of 4.46 out of 5 based upon 2,308 reviews

Reviewer: munchiee

Score: 1.2 out of 5

shit beer dont know why its rated so good i guess im use to canadian beer cause canadian best drinkers in the world bitc hes

Bells Expedition Stout

Ranked #14 with an overall rating of 4.29 out of 5 based upon 2,268 reviews

Reviewer: sabby2000

Score: 1.2 out of 5

this beer is just horrible….one of the worst “beers” I have ever had…..tastes like coffee syrup….just brutal….WAY too over powering……you need to cut it with 3/4 kalamazoo and 1/4 expo just choke it down…..another one of those OVERRATED beers just because it costs so much….but it looks good in the glass……thats about it!!!!!

Stone Imperial Russian Stout

Ranked #30 with an overall rating of 4.20 out of 5 based upon 2,444

Reviewer: jisaza

Score: .5 out of 5

Disgusting, from the beginning to end. The after taste was terrible too, I end up dumping it through the drain, I feel sorry for the pipes. No doubts that the person who said that, you will feel like drinking thick oil, was right.

Founders Breakfast Stout

Ranked #44 with an overall rating of 4.16 out of 5 based upon 2,109

Reviewer: Cletus (6117)

Score: 1.3 out of 5

When this was initially poured out in the glass, I thought I was in for a special treat as I saw a beautiful black stout with a brown head and small delicate bubbles, but my enthusiasm ends there. Smells like day old coffee rinds smell if they have had a full day in the trash can. Tastes like Sanka with some minor chocolate and nutty notes. I’m not seeing what people find so great about this one.

Russian River Supplication

Ranked #46 with an overall rating of 4.15 out of 5 based upon 1,063

Reviewer: dtborelli

Score: .9 out of 5

Russian River Supplication I hate sours. Why does anyone drink this shit? Poured it out. Never again. I am tired of being screwed by this brewery. Yuck. Apparently I am not the beer connoisseur I thought I was. Left a lingering ass taste in my mouth. $13 for nothing. Sorry to all you sour lovers out there, but this just isn’t my style. Come have a barley wine sometime.


One last thing…

When I first started pulling this together last night I originally wanted to limit this list to the Top 5 beers, but after going through some of the reviews, I noticed that the vast majority of them weren’t jackassy or douchey at all. Just a bunch of Craft Beer lovers offering up their impressions of a beer. What’s not to love about that?

10 replies »

  1. I am truly surprised you didn’t find some ridiculous comment about one of the Plinys, those beers evoke the weirdest reactions from both sides of the spectrum. Good post!


    • Yo Will!

      Since this was a last minute post, I didn’t have much time to do any thorough “research”. I was hoping to find some interesting Pliny reviews, but there were just too many to go through. Next time around, I will scour the Beer Advocate boards. Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂



    • That’s almost as good as one of my wife’s Chambord cocktail tasting notes: “Smells like pineapple. Tastes like ass.”.

      Thanks again for the inspiration. I hope to steal more brilliant ideas from you in the near future!


  2. Glad to see you put your “free time” to good use. Nice post.

    I have to say the coffee comments would be pretty close to mine as I am no fan of the monkeyccinos. And, that is what makes craft beer great. One man’s magic is another’s “lingering ass taste”.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s