The Hammer of Glory shown here with Ben Franklin.
One hour ago, we received a ransom note from someone who claims to have stolen the Hammer of Glory. As you are well aware, today is the official start of Philly Beer Week 2012. At 7AM this morning, the Hammer of Glory is scheduled to make an appearance at the Independence Visitor Center so that it can begin its journey to tonight’s Opening Tap. Here are the details about this journey from the Philly Beer Week website:
Forged from the sweat and blood of 10,000 brewers, carried through the city by an army of heroic bartenders, greeted with the hopes and dreams of countless thirsty beer drinkers, we present the legendary HAMMER OF GLORY! Follow the HOG on its daylong tour throughout the city, commencing live on FOX-29 and accompanied by the SugarHouse double-decker bus. Enjoy ample beer and big fun as the Hammer is carried to some of the city’s finest bars and restaurants, till it finally arrives at Independence Mall for the official tapping of Philly Beer Week’s Brotherly Suds by Mayor Nutter.
The local authorities have been notified, and the original ransom note is in their possession. They are actively pursuing all leads, and have asked that I use the power of the interwebz to bring this criminal to justice, so that the Hammer of Glory can be retrieved in time for this morning’s event. Below is a copy of the ransom note:
The authorities are taking this threat very seriously, and thanks to a careless mistake by the alleged perpetrator of this dastardly deed, they are actively pursuing a very solid lead. Below is an image of their prime suspect which they have asked me to share with you:
The Alemonger and the Hammer of Glory.
This photo was taken last June at PBW 2011.
If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of The Alemonger, or the Hammer of Glory, please contact the local authorities immediately.
This madman must be stopped. Philly Beer Week must go on. Mayor Nutter and the Philly Craft Beer loving community are counting on us!
Thank you in advance for all of your help. Godspeed!
Categories: Brew and Booze News
aaron197172
The Alemonger
G-LO
limpd
The Wookie
The ROK
Sarah -BeautifulTangibleThings
The Astounding Prism
I’m heading out to look for it right now. I’ll try to hit every bar I can think of in my pursuit. Woo Hoo, the game’s afoot!
LikeLike
Good man! We always knew we could count on Miracle Max to save the day!
LikeLike
I hit 16 of Philadelphia’s finest establishments and I’m sure I got a glimpse of The Hammer once or twice. I’ll keep looking, even if it takes all week!
LikeLike
Your dedication to La Causa is most admirable! Go Max Go!
LikeLike
Did you really think I would be sloppy enough to leave so many easy clues around for you and the rest of your band of ne’erdewells to track down the HOG???
You must have me confused with some Bud Light Lime or Keystone swilling petty thief. No! I might not always drink beer. Wait. OK, maybe I do (but not when I’m drinking good tequila or scotch…or sometimes bourbon) but when I do, I drink CRAFT BEER. That makes me far more sinister and CRAFTY than your run of the mill swill drinking hooligan. I am a veritable Gru of craft beer icon tool thievery………
AND I STILL HAVE THE REAL HOG!!!!! While you’re busy carting my artfully placed imposter around the city and posting pictures on The Twitter, I’ll be sampling Austin’s craft beer scene with the real HOG by my side. I checked the TSA website. It doesn’t say anything about prohibitions against oversized ceremonial sledgehammers. Anyway, I’m Jewish,
So party on with the poser HOG until I return with the real deal on June 7. See you at Good Dog for Ballast Point!!
Cheers!
MuwaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
@TheAlemonger
LikeLike
Brilliant.
LikeLike
Thanks! I think.
LikeLike
She’s referring to my brilliant ruse. I should be thanking her. Wait…I’ll do just that as soon as I finish putting the HOG in a clear plastic zip lock bag for airport security.
LikeLike
Yes! You are diabolically brilliant in your own special way.
LikeLike
Thanks. I’m working on my next master crime now. That Stonehenge contraption over in England would look good behind my shed. Not as though the Brits are exactly doing a whole lot with it anyway.
Cheers!
LikeLike
The shipping costs are gonna be murder. Just sayin.
LikeLike