Booze Banter

Things I Learned At My High School Reunion


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Rumors of a high school reunion had swirled around for many years, but it wasn’t until someone said “no spouses allowed” that plans for our 20th reunion finally came together. Although my wife mocked the concept (since I went to an all boys Catholic high school, she calls it “The Sausage Fest”), asking her if she really wanted to go to a party where she didn’t know anyone helped her to embrace the concept. Though I was reluctant to go because I hadn’t kept in touch with many of my classmates, it turned out to be a great time. We ate, we drank, we laughed our asses off!

It took another 5 years to get us all back together, but after a February “planning meeting” at the Dark Horse Pub, it was decided that we’d hold our 25th reunion at Citizens Bank Park during a Philadelphia Phillies game. With a sold out ballpark, a warm fall night, and a Phillies winning streak that brings them within a couple games of winning a 4th straight NL East championship, our timing couldn’t have been better. We ate, we drank, we laughed our asses off! What we didn’t do was watch the game.

Here’s what I learned…

  • Busty, 20-something year old barmaids in tight, low-cut tops are a sure fire way to make men happily pay $6 for crappy beer. Even though Philadelphians aren’t exactly know for being pleasant, we’ll even smile and say “Thank You!” in this situation.
  • I’ve always heard that Philadelphians rarely move farther than an hour away from where they grew up. With the exception of one guy that lives in Oklahoma, most of us stayed in the PA/NJ/DE area.
  • One of us posted the following on Facebook: “One question after 25 years,  why do the Italians sit at one table and the Irish guys sit at another? It felt like 4th period lunch again.” Though this observation definitely applies to the pre-game happy hour, the ethnic boundaries dissolved once the game started.
  • Marriage advice from a buzzed lawyer: (1) if you have kids, for the sake of the kids and your financial well being, try your best to stay married; (2) if you’re married, not getting along with your spouse, and have no kids, bite the bullet and get divorced. Though it’ll be expensive in the short-run, it’s the “Golden Ticket” to long-term happiness.
  • If you have an attractive, female, nurse practitioner as your primary care provider, prostate cancer screenings are much more tolerable. Definitely one of the more disturbing facts learned throughout the evening, and the visual interpretation was completely unnecessary.
  • Some of us can still do the “double fisted” drinking thing. The only difference between now and 25 years ago, instead of two beers or a shot and a beer, we now chase down our alcoholic beverage with a glass of ice water. You have to stay well hydrated afterall.

What did you learn at your high school reunion?

2 replies »

  1. I learned that G-lo’s HS was apparently near a toxic or nuclear waste site because everyone’s hair fell out. Baldness scares Wookies!!

    Also I think G-lo’s childhood home in South Philly was closer to home plate than the seats you had for the reunion …. did anyone get altitude sickness???

    Finally … GO PHILLIES!

    Like

    • The Sun Oil Refinery was practically our backyard, so you may be on to something. Don’t forget, you’re also terrified of busty barmaids.

      Go Phils indeed!

      Like

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